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Pretense

Right. Let’s pretend you are right. That it is right to let your ex-girlfriend come sleep over in the same bed as you then I go sleep in the other room.

Let’s pretend that I am not your girlfriend so you can trap her in your so-called game. Let’s pretend you didn’t ask her to give you another chance, otherwise, why would she give you conditions.

Let’s pretend you weren’t using me and hoping all that you do will make me fed up to leave. Let’s pretend you didn’t want me gone and that you feel remorse for having make me stay here.

Let’s pretend you need me and not her. Let’s pretend you mean your words. Let’s pretend you wanted me pregnant and didn’t wish there was no baby so you can quickly marry her.

Let’s pretend you want to marry me not her and pretend you didn’t disrespect my family. Let’s pretend you will see my dad if he even called for you. Let’s pretend you didn’t disrespect me when we were supposed to talk about my pregnancy by bringing her in to sleep in the same bed as you when your mum came over. Let’s pretend your actions are right.

Let’s pretend you still want me as you are sleeping with another woman right under my nose. I can see it. But what else can I do? Let’s pretend I agree with you, that what you are doing is right.

Let’s pretend I wasn’t affected by your actions so that I couldn’t eat during my pregnancy. Let’s pretend everything is ok when my womb decided that I should miscarry. Let’s pretend I wasn’t in pain with the miscarriage when you are off to see the other woman.

Let’s pretend it was ok when I visited the hospital for the first time when I was miscarrying. Let’s pretend the doctors weren’t snobbish because I was alone and to be accused of aborting the baby, just because I was alone, just because you decided to go off to see the other woman.

Let’s pretend it was ok the day I actually miscarried because I knew you won’t be there anyway. Let’s pretend it was ok when you sleep with another woman right under my nose when I was pregnant. Let’s pretend it was my fault I miscarried. Let’s pretend I killed the baby because I was emotionally unstable because you decided to be with the other woman.

Let’s pretend I was wrong to force you to choose because I knew my strength. Let’s pretend everything is ok now that I miscarried and that I didn’t care about the baby because you warned me not to cry for my dead child, because everyone will think it’s your fault.

Let’s pretend she didn’t know I was pregnant, otherwise why do you sleep at her end when we found I miscarried? How convenient!  What a relief, right? Let’s pretend everything is right. Let’s pretend I still mean anything.

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