Feelings, Love, My Thoughts

Am I Ok?

OOh, boy… Here we go again. I was tired of hearing this voice in my head asking, “Are you ok?” I am certain it was me asking myself. My heart was being shredded. And by now, I have no heart left, I am sure.

After he kissed me fiercely, which he initiated, he told me he was in love with another girl. Whom he was studying, and was pretty sure is dating, but he didn’t want to use his status to confuse her enough to get her. Oh, wow… I thought to myself, “Ok, Yaa, this is a reality check right there, you fell in love with an a**h***…”

I knew my heart would break and I would cry mercilessly. But I didn’t have the time for that. My eyes would swell and my mum would ask why, my boss would ask why, so I bit my tongue so I wouldn’t cry and kept my breath so my heart would be cushioned. I didn’t want to wail, because, tears did drop. Oh… Would I be ok?

Meanwhile, my playlist stopped playing, signed off. He notified he needed an upgrade… I didn’t understand what he was talking about. He didn’t think emotions were good for him. But emotions aren’t bad, because, that is part of our conscience. And then my world turned gray, my sky turned gray. Would I ever see beauty in love? My vision of love is now clouded. I didn’t know what love is anymore. So I guess, I wouldn’t be able to love anymore.

But it’s ok. I am glad you played. For a moment, you made me see some sort of possibilities. But I think those possibilities aren’t for me. Because, in the end, it’d need an upgrade.

But the guy in the second paragraph, I hope karma gets back at you. I am sorry I wished this, but, it’d be the only way you’d understand what you did.

I guess, I would always be asking myself from now till next three years, “Are you Ok?”


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