Well, I thought, life would teach me only good things. And by good things I mean good feelings. But instead, it taught me two of the most horrible things that everyone encourages to have. Don’t get me wrong, because, I’d still recommend it to myself. And they are:
Love and Hope
Well in love came heartbreaks! Heart grounding. And by heart grounding, I mean, like sending something to the mill to have it grounded. You know? It was a hard lesson.
I learnt, heartbreak doesn’t only come when someone ask to break up when you’re in a relationship. Heart breaks involved doing something to the other person which he/she didn’t like because you loved the person so. Lying your way through because, you wanted to get yourself respect back – that is, lying to yourself. Trying to break up with yourself before he does because you know you’d never be loved by him.
O! Heartbreaks!! So hard!
The next is hope. You know when you feel so in love and then you realized you’d never be loved by the other person and then you still hope, that one day, he’d finally see the person you are and love you back? Yeeaaaa, but then, you just know that would never happen because all his actions shows he’d never ever love you, at least, in a way you recognise…. Then your hope seems to be a thorn in your flesh. Because, when you really look at it, it was hope that made you hold on.
Then I thought, Hope is really a B!+<H!!! Why would it let me hold on so hard when it knows my heart is at stake and my love would be thrown right back in my face, or with the waste or in the furnace? That wasn't fair hope, not cool!
Then I realized, perhaps, I was hoping in something that was wrong. Perhaps Hoping in God for a good life is what I should do.
So I set out to find what that means and how to do it.
Lessons learnt! It was truely hard. Too hard!
You know you love me. XoXo.