My Thoughts

Without Jesus

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In JSS, now Junior High School, I wanted to fit in so bad. I had forgotten my identity, the girl who passed her exam and was admired.

Going home from school was just burdensome but I didn’t have a choice. I would be so uncomfortable at home and I would have a migraine all the time. It was irritating. So I thought having a boyfriend would be cool, but I never got to have one.

I don’t remember why, but I got so depressed and had lots of thought about how to commit suicide. I’d imagine myself pick up a knife to stab my stomach, so prick my heart. But, I couldn’t pierce it through my stomach whenever I took the knife. I never got the chance to dream. I didn’t even know the kind of Senior High School I had wanted to attend. I just chose Science as a course of study because, I thought I should have a challenge since I was just starting to love Math again.

I would feel so empty and angry at everything. And then the anger I felt would cause migraine and make me feel unworthy of everything.

If I hadn’t known Jesus, I would’ve been a prostitute by now because, I would be seeking attention from things I know wouldn’t give me the attention. I would try to fit in. I would try to accept all the unacceptable things just to confirm to myself, I was ok.

I would stumble and fall and be way stupid-er than I am now.

Oh! How miserable I would’ve been! I cannot even describe it.

Just in case you tried to fit in but it just wouldn’t work… You know you are not one of them. In case you’ve been too empty and miserable, why don’t you try Jesus? You can always go back if you don’t like Him. Just try, like I did. It’s been awesome! A lot of people have mis-presented him. But if you look like I am looking now, you’d know the real truth.

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