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The Unloved

As I lay in my bed to step out, I ask, why am I alive today? When would I die? Is my dream worth it? Am I worth it? I shake my head as if to shake these thoughts off. And then I get out of bed, head towards the bathroom. While bathing, I remember I am in love, or attached to someone, or feel like I need this person around me. And oh, I remember I don’t even know if that feeling is real. 

I find myself holding on when I absolutely want to let go. And then I do stuff that I would normally regret but find myself not regretting. What is possibly wrong with me? And then I cry!, screaming and asking, why do I have to feel this way? But this feeling is unhate-able. I try so hard! And it’s still awesome. Sometimes I think it’s stupid.

Then I ask, does this person making me feel this way even aware? Does he feel this way too? Sadly, I am not permitted to ask. Since when did asking become a crime?

And then I imagine me gaining stamina and having the wings to fly off to freedom. They say freedom isn’t free, but would’t it me better than this? And then I imagine if i’d be happy leaving. And I couldn’t. Is this what they call complications?

 

Does anybody feel this way? Well, I don’t have the answers but only one other Person helps me through. And He’s Jesus. It’s amazing how He wipes my tears and puts the most amazing smile on my face! I love You soo much Jesus!

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